Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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