I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
