my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
