Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
