Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
