I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
