i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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