she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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