But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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