Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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