Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
