just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
