I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
