arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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