Don't you send me to vm
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
