she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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