I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
