and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
