i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
