he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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