Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
