Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
