If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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