zippers are such a cool invention
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
