i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
