Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's blow job season.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
