I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
