OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm jealous of your bromance
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
