I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am available for nakedness
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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