Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
