When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
