please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
