i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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