there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
