is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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