so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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