new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
