I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
