i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
