Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
