her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
