I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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