i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
