He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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