My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
