I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
