were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
