benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
