This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
