it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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