no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
