My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
