i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
